LIGHTERS & .


"this too shall pass" PRODIGY. Ig/Twitter: @julialelenaz Photobucket
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You just sat there with your head down and stared at the floor while he yelled at me and said I was hopeless and how no one could help me. I was on the ground holding my arm as tight as I could but it wouldn’t stop.. and you just sat there.

I hate everything. I rather be mad at the world than cry constantly. All this is tearing me apart. I don’t want to be here anymore. Can someone just find the cure for cancer already.

I hate nights where I just lay in bed and think of everything I’ve done wrong…

I don’t appreciate you telling anyone why I was in the hospital. It’s seriously none of their business..

My daily routine has become getting up and getting dressed then right before I leave my house I realize I have no motivation to do anything.. So I just go back to bed.

I’ve been thinking of getting a Spirited Away tattoo because of the meaning it would have for me personally but I’m afraid some people may perceive it as childish..

"I still see you as the same girl I met three years ago in Orlando." You don’t seem to understand that the way I present myself to people isn’t necessarily who I really am. I am far from that happy girl you met three years ago. If you really knew me and truly cared, you would notice my smile no longer reaches my eyes.

Talking to people is apparently suppose to help but I always just find myself feeling worse..

Missing you like crazy.. I don’t know if I can make it through this week without speaking to you or seeing you. The surgery is this Tuesday and you just left without even saying goodbye.

"We haven’t told your cousin about anything that’s happening because we don’t want to worry her" what about me though? You don’t even bother noticing. Yes I hide the fact I cry everyday because last time you saw me cry you started crying too. But I don’t hide my scars and you don’t even notice .. you’re ruining my life. I know its not your fault but I might lose both of you and you act like I wouldn’t care. I’m going to be alone and idk what to do.

Thoughts.

I’m told to control my feelings when I can’t. You never realized everything that has went wrong in my life. I hid everything well but you were my parents. You should have seen what was happening to me. Now I’m terrified of my own mind. The thought of leaving my room cripples me everyday…

Lost my motivation to dance. It doesn’t make me happy anymore. It just reminds me of all the mistakes I’ve made. Really need to start new.. can’t wait till the day I leave this city.

Not much of an explanation.

Things just got too hard to handle and I guess I’m a weak person. Judge me, honestly I don’t care. Bye.

Rough night.

Words can’t explain how much I wish there was someone around to talk to..

Dance.

I’m always so hard on myself about not being a “studio dancer” but then I realize being part of the hip hop community brings so much more. We’re all one big family, no matter what crew we’re from and I’ll never give that up.